Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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