think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
