nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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