grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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