I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i need some magic done to my vagina
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
We smell like vodka and hangover
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
