Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
