I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
