how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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