covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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