When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
