you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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