On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
