if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
