I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
