She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
