I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
