i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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