Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
