he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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