Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
