So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Randomize
