wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
