Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
