I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
