I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
