I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
