i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
