I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
