like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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