dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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