but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
