I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
