In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
