They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
