last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
