my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
