Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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