Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
