how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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