I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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