i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
