i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
