I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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