i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
