Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
