She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
