The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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