you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she smelled like a LAN party
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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