Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm at about main and main street
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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