I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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