i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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