On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
