I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
