sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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